Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......