Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.

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  (214): I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/zhmd
  Replies (40) Good night (3713) Bad night (1363)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.

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  (504): Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea. http://tfl.nu/a9pb
  Replies (51) Good night (1365) Bad night (11658)
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  (916): View more from California

  You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..

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  (916): You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you.. http://tfl.nu/8fyi
  Replies (24) Good night (1039) Bad night (9372)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?

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  (314): On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you? http://tfl.nu/ocb5
  Replies (131) Good night (32507) Bad night (2720)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.

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  (203): they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures. http://tfl.nu/t4cj
  Replies (3) Good night (4363) Bad night (700)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants

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  (720): It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants http://tfl.nu/j8mk
  Replies (8) Good night (1096) Bad night (5361)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.

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  (678): I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head. http://tfl.nu/4u7e
  Replies (44) Good night (7473) Bad night (1974)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.

  (231): View more from Michigan

  i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.

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  (616): whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook. (231): i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment. http://tfl.nu/fvdt
  Replies (41) Good night (2183) Bad night (5644)
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  (805): View more from California

  I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship

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  (805): I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship http://tfl.nu/l6zt
  Replies (2) Good night (1592) Bad night (766)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.

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  (202): there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/ma3l
  Replies (5) Good night (2107) Bad night (831)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...

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  (734): You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part... http://tfl.nu/5hsp
  Replies (2) Good night (1042) Bad night (665)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  i think i broke my dog last night...fuck

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  (319): i think i broke my dog last night...fuck http://tfl.nu/y38t
  Replies (6) Good night (532) Bad night (1859)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!

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  (937): NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!! http://tfl.nu/92wz
  Replies (2) Good night (1614) Bad night (494)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.

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  (720): Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence. http://tfl.nu/jsvt
  Replies (9) Good night (1113) Bad night (544)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.

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  (904): Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard. http://tfl.nu/afya
  Replies (4) Good night (464) Bad night (585)

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