So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..