Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
