i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
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I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
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Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week