Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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