The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
