My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
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I stole a fireplace last night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
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Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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