Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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