Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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