me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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