I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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