i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
