I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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