Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
