i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
