I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
