I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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