last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
