It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
