my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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