What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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