I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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