you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
