Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
