You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
