I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
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you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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