I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
