my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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