can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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