just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
