You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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