i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
