Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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