I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
