'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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