Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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