Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
