I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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