you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
