How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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