wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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