i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
