My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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