He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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