So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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