Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we're making bets on your personal life
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
