Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Is it because I queefed?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
They took my balls.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
