My friends, they love my intelligence
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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