Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
