ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
