Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
