i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
