Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
