Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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