and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
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ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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