he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
