i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
