you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
