you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
