hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
