It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
