Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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