she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
