I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
