The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
