so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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