He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
