I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
