That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
