We're like a lot better than the average bears
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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