I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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