i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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