I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
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Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
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Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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