You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
