One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
