you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
