Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
