M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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