So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
