birth control should be required to get into college
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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