I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
