just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
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