piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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