guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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