I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
