whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
