Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
