did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize