I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
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And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize