I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
