Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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