Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
