The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
