Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
