She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize