toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
